Yesterday, while packing my groceries, I set my purse on the cash desk. I loaded the groceries into my cart, and off I went. The groceries were then tucked into the trunk of my car, and I got in the front seat. Off we went, for our 15 minute commute to our house. After pulling into the driveway, I reached down to grab my purse from it’s usual spot. It wasn’t there!
AT least my powers of recollection remain intact. I knew exactly where it was; at the bottom of the cash register belt! HOW could I have missed it? WHERE was my brain, that I could walk off and leave my large pale green purse sitting there! What was I thinking of, that I could be so distracted as to leave it? I clearly recall putting the groceries in the shopping cart. Why didn’t I pop my purse in too?
Of course, I wasn’t alone at the store; Glenn was with me. It was he who said that we didn’t need to put the bags in the trolley, that we could just carry them out! Is there some reason that he didn’t see my purse on the desk either? Could be that we were both hungry, tired, and wanting to get home. So, why does this justify him not seeing it, but not me?
I have been repeatedly told by many people that I’m too hard on myself. My expectations about what I CAN and CANNOT do are skewed, depending on how upbeat I am feeling otherwise. I am well aware of the self imposed pressure I put on myself, but I am helpless to avoid it. I don’t seem to be able to sidestep my own ideals and plans! My own mother used to say that I was “a little girl in a big hurry”.
My greatest challenges are in keeping track of things. Stuff like my keys, my phone or even my purse, seem to wander off of their own volition. I’ve tried the reliable mantra of always putting things in the same place, but I have trouble with where that place actually is! My keys? On a hook by the door seems good.
Of course, if I forget to put them in my purse, and we drive off with only Glenn’s keys, there is still a problem. When I drop him at work, and he takes his keys with him, the car will keep running UNTIL it is shut off. It just can’t be started again without A set of keys in the vehicle! So, if I unknowingly stop at the store on my way home, I’m STUCK. Yes, it has happened.
That word, forget, is my nemesis. I’ve discovered I no longer have the inmate ability to remember phone numbers, pass codes, or even addresses. I can tell you my university student number, even Glenn’s student number, or even the phone number of the university. YIKES! It’s starting to sound like Alzheimer’s disease! The ability to recall events from one’s distant past, but difficulty with current events is one of the points of clinical diagnosis.
NO, I DO NOT THINK I HAVE ALZHEIMERS. I think I have a struggle with the mess my cognitive abilities are in, likely courtesy of MS, plus a healthy dose of menopause. Perhaps I could add a few other variables to the equation as well, but not now. I’m too darned tired.